Wednesday, August 29, 2012

upward not inward.

One obvious thing that goes hand-in-hand with moving to a new town is meeting a whole bunch of new people. If you've ever done that, you know that some of the typical questions you get off-hand are, "What brings you to _______?" and "Where are you from?" and "What do you guys do?"
In our case, because Harris is back in school, one of the common questions is, "What are you wanting to do with the aviation maintenance degree?".. so begins my story..

Being the people-pleasing, image-conscious, over-analytical person that I tend to be, when we reply that we are hoping to one day be on the mission field, I'm sure you can imagine what fears of mine pop up. [If not, good, because that means you're not as psycho-analytic as I am!]
I start to think, "Do they hear that and think that I would even make an okay missionary? Do they look at my life and wonder how in the heck 'THAT GIRL' is going to live among unsaved people and be able to share the Gospel with them? What qualities does she have? Why her? I think she even just had a bad attitude with her husband about 2 minutes ago.. SHE is going to be a missionary??"

I find myself checking my words, actions, and image (daggum image) and making sure that I "act like a missionary" so that people will believe it and will be for our story. What?! Come ON, Tay, seriously?

Then I took a moment to check myself - something I have to do very often:
When did I start to focus so inwardly? Why do I always make things about me? If I were to truly think more about who Harris and I were hoping to one day serve and love, then it really wouldn't matter what anybody else thinks about my part in it. If my sole purpose in going at all is to share Christ's love with people who have no access to the news at all, then my self-obsessed issues can move completely out of the way and the Holy Spirit will have room to move!

I know this to be true, that when I focus on who has me rather than what He has for me or how I measure up to what plans He has for me, then I'm much better off. I stop ruminating over thoughts of myself and start living joyfully spreading the fullness of life that Christ came to die for.
It's going to take a conscious effort, but my goal is to keep my eyes turned upward and focus on the gift I've been given and sharing that with others. Truth is, I'm not the perfect candidate for anything like this, but Christ is sufficient for my iniquities and if we're called, I'll go.

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