I don’t know why but, for whatever reason, spiders and critters have become somewhat of a “vehicle” for the lessons that the Lord has been teaching me lately. Our back porch is small but it is a great place to sit together and enjoy a cup of coffee and the beautiful transitional weather we have been having. Lately, however, this transitional weather has apparently summoned all different kinds of nasty spiders: long legs, short legs, green, black, fuzzy, small, HUGE .. the list goes on. I am terrified of spiders.
[Side Note and MAJOR Props for Tay: I killed one the other day. I think I had “had it” at that point of the evening..big girl!]
Anyways, this recent development has unfortunately given me slightly more of a reason to enjoy time indoors instead of on my porch, or at least be MUCH more cautious when I go to sit on one of our porch chairs. I check, double check, and then re-check once I have been sitting for a few minutes. All of that said, now you get a glimpse of my fear.
Lately I have been reading the blog of a missionary pilot’s wife, Joy. It has been so encouraging to me in this journey of thinking through what that life might look like. Her words are very humble and very real and very funny. You can check it out at: gracefullmama.com.
Today when I was exploring her page, I came across this picture…
HAH! I know you know what went through my mind.. “no, no, no, no, no…” Quite frankly, that is possibly my worst of all worst nightmares right there. I emailed Harris instantly and told him that we had better have at least 2-3 brave children before we go on the mission field. Boys or girls (maybe the girls won’t inherit their mama’s fear!) who are not afraid to kill spiders and bugs so that they can kill them while he’s away working. [Among other noble reasons to have children, of course!]
This afternoon I sat outside on the porch and did my usual check for spiders as I thought about the blog I read today. The fears came back, “Oh Lord, how in the world, if I’m so fearful of these pitiful-in-comparison spiders, am I ever going to live in another country where the spiders are as big as my FACE!?” I looked around and hanging from the back of my chair was the world’s smallest, almost invisible, baby spider. The Lord spoke truth in that moment, “Baby steps, Taylor. I will prepare you one step at a time: for the big spiders as well as for the mission field. You won’t have more than you can handle.” This instantly calmed me. It reminded me of the verse in Corinthians:
“No test of temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)
Why the Lord uses spiders to teach me lessons, I don’t know, but I’m so thankful he speaks into my fears. He has the courage I need, I just have to come to Him for it every [baby] step of the way.