Tuesday, September 4, 2012

praying in pain.

My small group this past year read through an incredible book, A Praying Life, by Paul Miller. It is an AMAZING book that will really feel more like a conversation than a book; Paul's honesty and genuine transparency will endear you to him instantly and will help you respond to his plea for trying out constant prayer in your life.

My family (minus my brother and sister-in-law who live on the other side of the country now) came to Lynchburg to visit us this past weekend. It was SUCH sweet time together, not because of anything spectacular we did, just because of the company. We explored, laughed, shared, played, and relaxed in each others' presence. Well, as you might have guessed, they had to leave at some point. I mentioned in a previous post how well I've been doing with the move; not so many cry-fests and heart/homesick moments that I imagined I would have before we left. Well, for whatever reason, I found myself really struggling with this transition when my family was preparing last night to depart early this morning. Tears would not stop - and I fell asleep that way.

We woke up, began getting ready for the day, and we said our goodbyes to the fam. I continued to cry. I found myself embarassed by how much my heart was hurting. It seemed somewhat silly that a grown (or grown-ish) woman could not quit the tears when her mommy, daddy, and sissy left. Then, as I was getting ready for work, I read this verse that I have on my dresser,
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled." -John 14:27 

The book by Paul Miller has so many 'quotable' quotes and reminders for life, but one that really applies to my morning is, “Don’t be embarrassed by how needy your heart is and how much it needs to cry out for grace. Just start praying.”

I'm so glad I had the verse written there because it caused me to stop immediately, (amidst my struggle to press on through the morning, my favorite time of the day, NOT) pray that the Lord would bring me the peace he promised, and also to say a 'side prayer' to make my incessant tears stop. The tears did stop and I made it to work sans red-eyes or puffy-face. God delivered a peace that surpasses understanding. It surpasses understanding because in all reality, I would not have peace about not seeing my family, friends, or community in Rome that I love so much. It surpasses understanding because it came so quickly. It surpasses understanding because it is a deep-rooted peace that I know in my heart but cannot really explain.

Prayer does change things.. even if those things aren't circumstances. Don't be embarassed by a need to pray. Don't be ashamed that you need Christ to help you through transition. He loves when we come to him with sniffles just as much as he loves it when we come to him with smiles. I'd encourage you to read the book by Paul Miller as well as to simply run to Jesus whenever you're feeling whatever you're feeling.


  1. Taylor this is SO beautiful!! I love your heart! It is vulnerable, transparent and brings such glory to the Lord!! Miss you and Harris like crazy, but I know God is doing huge things in and through y'all and what a precious season He has y'all in! Love the Paul Miller shout-out :) Miss you sweet friend!

  2. Awww LOVED this entry, Taylor!! Thanks for sharing what the Lord put in your heart!! You've just blessed me, thank you! :) Regards to you and Harris.
    Dani M (argentina)