"He is pushing you to Glory, Taylor."
I was reflecting on this journey that Harris and I are on that is ambiguous at best. There is some general goal of 'mission field' in the future, however, the steps it takes to get there, the timeframe it all happens in, and (especially) the details of the endeavor are all but clear. I tend to have a bratty, entitled, and resistant attitude in the whole process of becoming a missionary - attitudes I'm not proud of but cannot seem to surrender.
Harris graciously walks beside me, sweetly encourages me, and patiently listens to me as I process this journey we're on. I'll admit, there are times that I think, "This is his dream and something that I am deeply afraid of. This adventure scares me. I am not made for this." [Let me disclose the fact that we're not even doing anything yet, so that's just my overactive fears and apprehensions kicking in.] I do know, however, that there is much more to the story...
I have always prayed that the Lord would use me. I want my life to be completely used and I want to contibute to His mission in any way He sees fit. In my own mind, being a missionary was never an option for fulfilling that prayer due to fear and apprehension of my own abilities. The Lord knew that fear all too well and knew that it would criple me from truly living out what I had prayed so long and hard for - so He introduced me to Harris. Harris, if you know him, has few (if any) fears. He lives with abandon in full trust of his Savior. It is beautiful and inspiring, and one of the many reasons I adore him.
God knew that Harris has great passion and little fear. God knew that Harris would push me (I say that very cautiously because I by no means feel pushed, it is simply a beautiful dance of husband and wife seeking after our Lord together and wife allowing husband to be the lead - Harris leads me by challenging me to enjoy "life to the full" that Jesus offers us). I never and will never do it perfectly. Gosh, I look at the daily conversations we have and I'm nowhere close. I do, however, believe in the power that Christ has in me to guide me and teach me to follow Harris. I can willingly and, more importantly, joyfully, follow my husband because I know he intercedes on my behalf and has my best interest in his mind and in his prayers.
I do not know why the Lord chose this moment to speak to me (especially because it was in the middle of a work day), but that was what I heard, "He is pushing you to Glory, Taylor." When I stop to think about the fact that my God-fearing husband is encouraging me towards one of my biggest prayers and nudging me closer to the cross, I cannot help but sit back in complete awe of how the Lord works in and through Harris's willing heart. I cannot help but be grateful that where I fall short, the one whom my soul loves excels and carries me alongside.