Tuesday, March 11, 2014

the benefit of a true friend.

If you don't watch the show The Bachelor, you'll probably still understand this post. If you do watch, it will only enhance your understanding of why I am advocating for every lady to have a true friend in her life. Allow me to explain:

Here's the part for the viewers:
[We cannot know the true nature of Nikki and Juan Pablo's relationship "post-show". From the viewer's perspective it appears that she is starstuck/lovestruck and smitten with this narcissistic man who cannot see outside of himself, and who likely has no intention of spending his life with her or sacrificing one iota of himself for the relationship. Maybe they really do have something private, secret, and special between the two of them that is taking its precious time to blossom out from under the watchful public eye. Maybe.]

Having been a starstuck/lovestruck and smitten girl myself in the past, I can honestly attest to the benefits, nay, the necessity, of having a true friend who can look you in the eye, risk hurting your feelings, and ask you the hard questions. A friend who can come alongside you and lovingly tell you that you're not looking at the whole picture realistically.

You'll think they're jealous.
You'll think they're just trying to ruin what you have.
You may even think they are not a friend, much less a true friend.

If someone comes alongside you and has proven to be a loving, true, and honest friend, I beg that you build a trust in that relationship so that when you do go through seasons of life, particularly seasons where you're making big choices [such as in a relationship], they can lovingly speak truth to you.

If you're as stubborn as I was (as I am), you may not receive it outright at first. You may hear, but not understand. I'd argue that "it's okay" [HA! If you watched the show, you'd be laughing here too] if that's the case. At least you're being challenged and not blindly encouraged into an area of life you potentially have goo-goo-goggles on for.

And for those who don't know what goo-goo-goggles are...

Typically when we are challenged by those who genuinely love us and have been a part of our lives and we get defensive or don't like the advice or guidance or questions we're being asked, we need to at least have an honest self-meeting that sounds a bit like this:

"Hey self, great to see ya. Lookin' good. Hey, why do you think we got so mad that friend asked us about that particular area of life? Why do you think we were enraged when friend said we're not acting like ourselves, or that we've changed?" 

I'd venture to say that the result of such a meeting would allow you the room to look honestly at the things you may have been a little foggy on, innocently ignoring, or actively avoiding. You may end up realizing, [not always], that friend was right. There are some red flags, and I should maybe take a step back and look at this.

For my viewers:
[Sadly, I don't think Nikki has that type of friend in her life asking her the hard questions. Asking her if she truly feels that this man can be a leader in her life. If he would sacrifice of himself if she were to get sick. If he has communicated to her the reasons he loves her for who she is.. 
I pray that he can and he does.] 

The best part is that, with this sort of true friend, if you're in a great place and taking wise steps, you can answer their questions honestly and openly, and leave that conversation without having to have a self-meeting. You can objectively look at the situation you're in and walk away with a smile because you're in a wise and wonderful season of life. 

Go you!

Thanks friend. Thanks self. Good to see ya. Until next time.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent Excellent. I find that a true friend is also good for us when we are on a bumpy road in an otherwise smooth relationship; she or he can offer up opposing views that help clarify and sometimes reverse our (stubborn) positions. You are very wise, Mrs. York:-)